I would like to make a request on behalf of everyone born and bred, raised and dazed in Devon and Cornwall. Please be nice to us, all of us, when you come on a visit. We are not straw chewing, clotted cream making, cider drinking (well ...

Health warning - taking out european cover for your surf trips with the Royal Automobile Club is hazardous to your mental well being and the cash in your pocket. It seems if you have a vehicle that is over 10 years old they are one of the few who give you cover but hell does it come at a high price!! The van broke down. They rescued us from a Spanish highway at midnight and stuck us in a hotel right on the door step of an aggregate plant, made us pay for our car hire and our own hotel, forgot to book our onward travel and could not get us out of the country having no agreements with flight operators to provide anything along the lines of 'we will get you home'.

Next weekend is veedubbing - its our version of run to the sun but without the wankers ... think its www.veedubbing.co.uk
I have a type 2 78 westie import from cali whose name is Arthur. Arthur has a stonking tan having spent 4 months of this year in southern spain with a burnt out alternator.

Woke up this morning - almost ... no pain !!!!
Looked out opf bedroom window and thought mmm that looks like a north easterly to me. Go down stairs make coffee, realise am still hallucinating as it is actually a south easterly and that means FLAT FLAT FLAT! Stand in graden, check ocean, yep FLAT!

My hole hurts. I am actually so poorly I am going to be dead by tea time. Please just leave me alone, I am so poorly I cannot cope with you right now ... but you cant actually leave. You need to stay here with me, just be quite, hold me, hold my hand, make cooing noises and stroke my forehead. You cant go out and live your life, I am too ill, this will be our last afternoon together, I think you should call the doctor, although I dont want to be a burden, I'll just accept my fate, could I have chicken soup please, you must make it with your own hands, what do you mean you have to go to work? Dont you see I am dying? Does that mean nothing to you? I need you here, I need someone to moan at. I need my poorliness validated, I need someone to position the commode as I cant move more than a foot. My gum hurts, my mouth is falling out, dont you see that means I cant walk? I need you to open the pill bottle and hold a glass of water to my mouth. What do you mean you think I should sleep? I cant sleep I'm poorly. I cant sleep my hole hurts, I am actually so poorly I am going to be dead by tea time ....

Its official. I am taking drugs for an sexually transmitted infection or disease, or at least the blurb says for infections / diseases of the "genital area". My mum would be so proud!! I am not as a result, so it also says on the blurb, allowed to drink any alcohol, presumably as that is when most people taking drugs for an STI are likely to pick up another!!

For those of us whose parents decided we had to go out and support out own surfing habit, get a place of our own, learn how to use a supermarket trolley, hitting the waves is a thing that can only happen at weekends.